Slumps vs. The Dumps: What you know by 40...

... is the difference between being in a slump and being in the dumps.

I know this because I have experienced both and, though they can feel the same, there are some concrete differences that are crucial to know.  Before listing those differences, let's discuss the similarities since sometimes we don't even know what we feel.

I woke up yesterday tired and didn't feel like meditating, working, or even brushing my teeth.  I waddled, heels hurting, to check the time and I had, of course, overslept.  The rush was on.  But all I wanted to do was go back to sleep.  With children needing to get to school and a self needing to get to work, that wasn't an option, so I sludge through making breakfast and lunch, getting myself together, and getting my son on to the car all with a funky, grumpy grudge that everyone in the household noticed.  After dropping my son off, I put my Pandora on Portishead.



Something is wrong.  And this is what it feels like.  Maybe it's a slump.  Or maybe it's more.



Ok, I don't feel that bad.

The morning I described was real.  It was yesterday morning in fact and after realizing that the urge to listen to Portishead was a response to feeling in a slump, I could immediately identify why.  It was the 16 baby Milky Ways from Halloween that I binged on the night before in a fit of wild disobedience to myself.  It was the fact that I allowed myself not to work out.  It was the staying up late to watch Jane the Virgin even though I hate everything about Jane, well mostly her name and character traits.  The actress is great.  I mean she's really good.  The character though, I cannot stand.  But I digress.

I was feeling slumpy yesterday because of some specific things I did the night before.  I could pin- point what had me down and try to think about it, forgive myself for it, and move on.  And I did.  I was having trouble writing a post and so I wrote a post about not having something to write a post about and ended up really enjoying the writing process.  It's kind of one of my favorite posts so far.  So slump over. I went to bed early last night and woke up ready to go today.

The Portishead video for "The Rip" is a good audio/visual reflection of slumping.  It's like an eerie cartoonish howl of bad wind.  You can feel that something funked up is going on and kind of ride it out till the song ends.

Slumping on the other hand is some Pink Floyd "The Wall" bad business.  And if you are in the dumps, like Roger Waters screen reflection is in the dumps, get some help.  Not joking at all.  Get some help.

The difference is that Floyd "Pink" Pinkerton has a wall around his mind that doesn't allow him to see outside.  He has fallen into a well of self-loathing, built up over years of repression and denial of feeling.  Pink has sunken into a pit of despair and self-medication that doesn't allow him to think or feel or experience anything outside of the stained glass window of depression that shades the days into horrible shadows and distorted, monstrous reflections of himself.  I repeat, if the above video for Pink Floyd "Is there anybody out there," speaks to you in any way.  Get.  Some.  Help.  Now.

I've been there.  I won't go in to detail to protect the guilty (that would be me), but I did some things that were self-destructive, things that society frowns upon, when I was in the dumps.  And I kind of knew I was in the dumps, but there are so many vices and elixirs that the great American free market offers to those in dumps...



... yes you can Lamar Odom yourself into not knowing you are Lamar Odom.

And although he is an extreme example, he is a good example.  He is someone who had a difficult life full of tribulation, still managed to succeed and be beloved by friends and family, and still managed to come close to destroying himself.  And his overdose may not be the end of the story.  In the dumps, there is no bottom.  Get.  Some.  Help.  Now.

Here are some ways to tell the difference:

If you can identify the exact interaction, mistake, problem, or challenge that has affected your mood, you are probably in a slump.

If you cannot recall when you started feeling bad, you might be in the dumps.

If you can hold a feeling of hope without the aid of so much as a glass of wine or a series of playful kitten Vines, you are probably only in a slump.

If you can't feel hope, even when people who care for you are taking time and energy to come and try to pull you up out of your bad feelings, you might be in the dumps.

If you know you need help, you might be in the dumps.

If you don't know you need help, you are in the dumps.

But you don't know what you don't know right?  So now, 18 days from 40, I know that the best way to get a sense of where I am on the slump/dump spectrum is to stay present with myself and what I am feeling.  I do this by writing, but there as long as there is something you regularly do that can be a sort of barometer of how you are feeling, you can be present.  Whether it's running or composing music or drawing or meditating, if you are having some dissonance while trying to do it, you might want to pay attention and try to track down the root of the negativity.  And if you can't and the negativity seems to stretch weeks and months and, god forbid, years.  Get.  Some.  Help.

I hope with everything in me that, by 40, you know enough about yourself to know this.