Thursday, November 5, 2015

Loss: What you know by 40...


Loss is a part of life.  When someone passes away, I usually say "No more pain."  And that is true.  But you can't sugar coat the end of a life.  Death also means no more joy, at least not with that person, and sometimes never in the same way for those they leave behind.  

This past week, my family lost some of its joy.  The perpetually sweet-hearted and authentic, fiercely self-determined cousin and aunt who served people in need her entire life, who we all called Dee Dee, passed away.  Here we are the last time I saw her this past Spring.



This past weekend, a friend from my Yale days, Derrick "D-Knowledge" Gilbert, a huge, vibrant, authentically creative spirit, and brilliant mind, a Ph.D. in Sociology who had performed his spoken-word poetry from the Apollo to the big screen in Higher Learning, also passed away.  Here he is.



I don't know what's on the other side.  But I know for those of us left behind, life is never joyful in the same way after we lose people special to us.  We have to face that and grieve that, and heal and remember and go on.

I also know that while I'm here, I will experience every bit of joy I can and make joy where it is not.  I will fill my loved ones lives with loving memories of me, that they can keep for their lives.  Those memories may not all be joyful, but I will make sure they are of the real me loving them for real, the way that I love, the love that will only exist in the flesh for the time I am blessed with.

Dee Dee and Derrick?  These two souls never met and had nothing in common, except for this:  They were always authentically themselves.  And now because of that, when I look at their pictures, I can feel their presence in the memories they left behind.  Our authentic, singular, one in seven billion presence is what the world needs us all to give and leave behind.

What you know by 40 is the reality of mortality, and the wisdom therein.  I'm getting healthy not because I want to live forever, but because I want to live life to the fullest while I'm here.  From 40 forward, I'm committing to a body that can sustain effort, a mind that can create joy, and a heart that can hold love.

38 days and counting...